Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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