I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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