This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
