I got chris browned last night
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
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