I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Holy shit dude........stairs
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
