can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
