i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
