hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
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If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
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I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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