i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
