Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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