The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
