Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
