The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
