i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
