ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
foreskin is a definite game changer
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
