In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
