I'm going to jail i love you
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
fuck your aforementioned shoe
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
