Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
