Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
