All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize