i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
