____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
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