I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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