i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
