If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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