yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We need a shit load of segways right now
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
