Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
my shit smells like andre
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
