i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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