Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize