i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
