The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
