Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
