Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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