Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
