I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
