i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
