Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
