Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize