Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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