if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
