Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize