By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
