as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
