i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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