you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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