false alarm. still invincible.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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