I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
