i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
