I must be too annoying 4 u.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
