dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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