Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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