I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
