he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
