I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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