you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
