ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
