dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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