addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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