It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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