When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
