did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My feet surprised me
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
