Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
