We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
