everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
