You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
