Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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