a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
