and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
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Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
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my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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