but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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