alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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