Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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