when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
