I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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