i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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