i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
