he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
