she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
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