so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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