he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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