i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
