so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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