holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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