But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
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Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
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i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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