I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
