I didn't shave. On purpose
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
