I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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