I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
